The Angel

Is it too early for reminiscing? Sometimes, out of the blue, and in the most ordinary of times, I feel suddenly, electrifyingly alive and in the moment. Sometimes in the middle of work, a flood of memories overwhelm me and I am reminded of things that came to pass. There's no shaking it, everything that happened in my life is now part of my narrative. If I were a story, I'm in the middle of my arc. I had experienced loss from which I will never recover, a burden, like heavy weights in my pockets that could sink me anytime, a wound so deep it will not heal. I had found myself in the throes of death, clung to life despite the isolation and the long road to recovery. And I find myself asking why? If I were a story, I should be moving towards something--a resolution or an ending of some sorts that should bring closure to my life's questions. Instead, it's starting to feel like Soprano and I'm moving to nothing but an abrupt end. Or The Good Wife --a good slap in the fac...

For most of the year, I've minimized my Facebook activity. It started November 2015 when I noticed my newsfeed becoming more political than I was comfortable. I thought the politicization of Facebook would fade after the Philippine election was over. But I was wrong. After the election, if you agree with the President, you're a Dutertard. If you disagree, you're a Yellowtard. Not much of a gray area, as if politics is black and white, or in this case red and yellow. It's as if the President is either a god or the devil. And all along I thought he was human and, therefore, fallible. You can agree on certain things with him and you can disagree without being labelled a certain *tard (mustard?).

Sometimes I feel like I've been an adult all my life. All the stuff of everyday can make me forget I was ever a child and that I had a whole life behind me. There are memories, out of nowhere, that would flash in my mind and remind me that I wasn't always like this. They come randomly, wherever, and whenever--when I'm walking, when I'm working, when I'm crossing the street, getting to my ride, having a meal, drinking coffee--I'd get these flashes of memories of a different life.

On my way to work today, an old, familiar song played on the radio. It was not the original but an even slower interpretation, as if at 5AM I needed to hear lullaby. Nevertheless, the recognition pulled me back to when I used to hum it. I was so much younger then, in high school, seemingly with an entire life ahead of me. I could see myself in the attic of our house watching the sun set over the horizon, an incomprehensible melancholy washing over me.

I am out of the conversation. It's been a long time since I've been part of the normal, typical conversation. I've had a few lunches and dinners with officemates and they talk about the married life, having babies, and raising kids. They talk about tuition fees, college educations, and how children these days are so different from our generation. I play with my food and imagine the world has swallowed me whole. Especially when they remember that I'm around and then they focus on me and ask me when I'm going down the road well-travelled. Marriage, families, babies, kids, the whole package of the acceptable, responsible life.

The decision of who to vote for the presidency did not come in a snap to me. I had thought long and hard about my choice of who will lead the Philippines in the next six years. Previously, in a more public and shorter post in Facebook, I said that the coming elections for the presidency is becoming a process of elimination. That is, who remains after removing the candidates I didn't want to vote for? Looking at the candidates then, I filtered my choices, removing the ones who I think had spectacular failures as leaders in times of crisis and those who, time and again, have shown that they are above the law.

I will be traveling all my life. Not every day of my life, but travel will always be a part of my life. Whether it's a weekend trip to a nearby Southeast Asian country or a weeklong trip somewhere else, the moment I arrive from a trip, I cannot wait to think about where I will be going next. So I travel with the long-term in mind. I invest in my travels, so that sometime, somewhere in the future, I will reap some rewards from it. Like any investment, the rewards don't happen overnight. But when they do, the rewards can be anything from an upgrade to first class or free roundtrip tickets or to hotel room upgrades or free hotel nights in some of the most expensive hotels in the world. There are a lot of travel hacks in the Internet on how to travel on a budget for a specific destination. Those are useful and complementary to this one. But if, like me, traveling for you is embedded in your life, why not invest in your travel? Here's how I do it: