An Introduction

I'm not new to blogging.  I've maintained blogs since college.  If I can remember correctly, I've had three blogs in this site.  And then there was a hiatus for a couple of years, towards the end of college until the first few months on my second job.  It was then that a high school friend suggested we make a blog to keep ourselves updated with each other despite not getting together often.  There was no Twitter then; Facebook was still in beta and Friendster was still the hottest networking site.  She suggested a rather obscure blog site so that it won't be block in offices.  (This site was blocked in theirs.)

That was my first blog in years.  And so far the most memorable.  I've made a few friends through that blog.  But I closed it down and set it to private.  Because my parents stumbled on it.  Where's the fun in blogging if your parents know your blog, right?

So I created another blog on that site.  After a couple of months, I closed it and then created another one on the same site.  And then I closed it again.  I told myself I'd give blogging a break.  But there was that, that itch to write something about yourself or what had happened.  Things you generally can't talk with anyone, not even to your friends, because they seem so internal and confusing that only writing could somehow extrapolate.  So I created another blog on that site.  It's still accessible until now, but lately it's been getting harder and harder to blog on it.  My friends read it.  And it can be a problem.

Because I'm gay.  And I'm not out to most of my friends.

I've played the pronoun game so many times, I'm finding it increasingly hard to omit the "he" and "his" and "him" in sentences without making them appear forced and overused with nouns like "my friend" or "this person."  So far, I had gotten away with it.  But I wouldn't know for how long.

Not that it would matter if my homophobic friends (yes, some of my straight friends are proudly homophobic) find out that I'm gay.  But I don't see the point of them finding it out now.  There's no urgency for my sexual preference to be announced to the world.  It wouldn't stop the world from rotating nor would world peace be achieved.  It's a statement, a very matter-of-fact statement that would create ripples in no one's life but mine.

I wouldn't say I'm in the closet, because my gay friends know.  I just don't see the necessity of voluntarily divulging information.  That's akin to incriminating myself.

That's why I've created this blog.  I felt a bit restricted with the other blog.  There are topics I consciously don't mention in my other blog.  Like gym.  Because it's so gay.

I hope with this blog, I would be less restricted, less censured to write about the tedious details of gay life.  It's nothing extraordinary, but the gay life is far from ordinary.  I realized, only lately, that I love being gay.  It's so much more colorful and unpredictable than the straight-laced life.  I guess the fact that we're easily stereotyped and discriminated and thus relegated underground or in the background gives us, this life, a sense of excitement.  A pulse, riveting and throbbing, that is commonly lacking in the straight world.  Our lives, more often than not, represent all that is tragic and beautiful in this world.


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