The Exception

I don't know what my line of thought was last night; it tends to drift off from one to another. But one of that was my ex. He had emailed before, a curt how are you, and I didn't reply. I remember the last time we talked, late last year, the first time we had talked in a very long time. He was in the US then. He went to Florida thinking I was still there. But I had moved.

He had said all the right things, as if reading a script from a romantic movie; I laughed, mostly. Plumbing the depths of whatever heart I have, I couldn't find anything for him. No love, no regret, no hatred, no bitterness. I talked to him as if we were two strangers seated beside a bar, having a drink.

I wasn't reminiscing or wondering how he is or what part of the world he's in. But I realized why I never wanted to reconcile with him. Not simply because he was dating others while we were together. But a more fundamental reason, one that took me some time to see.

He was a typical gay guy, a nice body--abs especially would make him do a double and triple look. One who went to the gym to admire bodies and be admired. Clothes--he had them tailor-made and he changed wardrobe monthly or quarterly. He would die if someone could give him a ticket to the annual Cosmo's Bachelor party--he subscribed to them.  And he had a list of crushes that went from A to Z, essentially anyone with a nice body would be on his list.

He's obsessed with his body. Many times I've told him that he might be anorexic, because a one pound increase in his weight would send him to a crash diet and hours in the gym. And sometimes, just to mock him with his obsession, I'd go into the opposite end of skipping gym and eating a lot. Now I realized that the obsession, the over-emphasis on appearances, turned me off.

He's not really alone. I remember going out with someone who can't stop talking about this actor (I can't remember the name) who goes to the same gym he goes to. I got very vivid descriptions of the actor's anatomy and what he wore and didn't wear to the gym. There's too much emphasis on the material and the physical.

As I have come to realize, he was a typical gay guy. And this was the reason why I never thought of going back with him. Because, I realized, I wasn't looking for the typical. I was looking for the exception.

Comments

  1. Yung may Chinese nose para unique? Yihee!!!! Hahaha!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hahaha. Inaamin mong may chinese nose ka nga! Hahaha!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Based sa reply mo, ang masasabi ko lang ay "Yiheee!!" Hahaha!!

    ReplyDelete

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