In The Right Direction

When I read about a TV actor who came out recently, I was gladdened--especially when I learned that he has a long-term partner and adopted children. I thought, that's promising.

I've read of others, stories of another era, of guys being in long-term relationships, but eventually, in the later years of their lives, opting to open the relationship to others. I've always felt discouraged and disheartened by that. The way people seem to take so lightly their commitments and relationships. I know that some subscribe to that. As an acquaintance had told me not long ago, cheating and third or even fourth parties are the most common causes of breakups in gay relationships--so why not just have an open relationship?

And I thought: what if you have an open relationship and you fell hard on your side dish and he wants to be exclusive?

Well, that has never happened, he said.

In the long run, you'll get bored with each other.

Oh. You don't have to be gay to have that risk, I said. Even heterosexual couplings fall into that rut.

For a time, I've been looking for stories of gay couples who have survived and lasted exclusively. I thought, is it such a fantasy in the gay world for one love to last a lifetime?

That's why whenever I read about gay couples who are in long-term relationships and have kids and babies, I always think that there's hope for that. That maybe it's not such a fantasy.

A few weeks back, I read a study that said couples in the 21st century are becoming more monogamous than couples of the past decades. The percentage of people cheating on their partners have gone down in the last 25 years. The study said that heterosexual men who cheated on their spouses or wives have gone down from 28% to 10%; heterosexual women down from 23% to 14%; lesbians from 28% to 8% and gays from a staggering 83% to a still-majority 59%.

The numbers for homosexuals still indicate that majority of gay guys cheat, but at least, I thought, we're moving in the right direction. There's that 41% who wouldn't. It's still a minority, but it's not at all impossible. It's a small hope. But I could live with that.

Maybe in the future the numbers will go down further and people will see that gay relationships are not poison to the society; that it is true and good and not at all consumed by lust and libidos--that we're also capable of finding and sustaining love, much like anyone else. That we could find someone, just one, and stay together for the rest of our lives.


  1. Hmmm. Curious, curious... Care to share the link to the study if you read it online? :)

  2. Here's an article link:

    The study is here, but it's paid subscription:
    Heterosexual, Lesbian, and Gay Male Relationships: A Comparison of Couples in 1975 and 2000

  3. I think this is pretty interesting. I get pretty sad whenever I hear about gay couples who'd been together for years only to be separated by third parties. It's nice to know that every now and then, people break the mold, or rather stay in the mold long enough to see happily ever after. :/

  4. Yup. The study gave me hope that some gay relationships can survive. That, contrary to popular opinion, gay relationships are becoming more monogamous. It was refreshing to read something like that.:)


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