Blank

It's one of those days when I'm drawing blank. When a weekend has passed and a blank page remains a blank page. It's frustrating to be unproductive; when ideas aren't forthcoming. I know what it is--my mind is distracted. And until I remove those distractions, I can't move on.


Everything was breaking down this week. Or rather, it was this week that I noticed how everything was broken. My five-year old running shoes are worn out; my hand-me-down laptop has trouble booting up (and it's running out of disk space, so is my external hard drive); my phone, without wi-fi, gets stuck in "Searching..." mode, always looking for a signal even when I'm out and the moment I stop charging it, it dies. And last night, when I was watching a movie, I noticed that my earphones only have sound on the left. It's a cheap earphone, really, one that I bought at CD-R King years ago, which shouldn't have lasted this long, but did anyway. I don't know what else would break, but all of them seemed to be screaming: REPLACE US.

So I've spent a good deal of the weekend thinking about these things, weighing my options and even trying to find some justifications that would convince me to purchase new things. I started browsing, mostly online, for certain replacements, but the idea of shelling out money always stops me. Especially if it's for me. If ever I decide to buy a laptop, this would be the first laptop that I actually bought for myself. Not a hand-me-down from my parents or a work laptop. It's one of the lesser ironies in my life that for someone like me who works in IT, I never had a laptop of my own.

I've considered buying one for myself, but there was always an old laptop I could have--and it's been enough for me that I can do a modicum of things. Buying something for myself boils down to the question of necessity. Is it something I really need? Can I not live without it? The answer, at least for me, always seems to be no. It's hard for me to convince myself that I cannot live without a fully-functional laptop, phone, earphones or whatever else is broken.

It's such a trivial thing coming to a decision whether to go on a shopping spree or not. Some people do it everyday and every weekend as therapy. But for me, it's always been a stressful enterprise. Even thinking about it is causing me undue stress that I can't seem to do anything else until I've come to a decision. Or at least reconcile myself to the fact that I have to buy things.

Comments

  1. Lol @ stuff screaming, "Replace us!" Reminds me of my phone which is snapped in half. XP

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  2. Haha. What happened? I guess with that you have no choice but to replace it. I'm still hesitant to replace them. I wanna see things through the bitter end. LOL.

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  3. I was venting... Effective too, tho not recommended. Anger was dispelled when I realized I unwittingly broke something precious to me. XP

    My phone is like this. Still works. Ginamitan ko na lang ng epoxy. Bluetooth lang ayaw gumana.

    Will use it till it dies on me. It's one of the very few things that I decided to want. Haha.

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  4. Haha. It does look a bit easy to break. I know how effective that is for venting. I threw a cellphone once on the wall and I felt good afterwards. Lol. It was an old one that I rarely used and I got it for free so it was not a great loss. Haha.

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