Unrequited

I have never loved anyone as much as I have loved you. The first time we met, I was at a loss for words. You have a face that I could gaze at forever. When I found my bearing, I couldn't stop talking, couldn't stop in getting you interested with me. I told you my whole life story in a span of one evening, until they kicked us out of the coffee shop, and we stumbled into the street and went our separate ways. You kept me at arm's length when all I wanted was to be wrapped in them. So I told you things I never told anyone, the darkest parts of me, thinking that I could pull you in with my vulnerability. I laid all my cards on the table, but you pulled out an ace on me. I woke up one day and you were in love. Just not with me.




So I flew like a bird through the night. I drank and drank and drank. I pushed it down, until I could no longer feel anything. I swung from one temporary high to another, looking for someone like you in the bars and clubs, everywhere and anywhere I know you would never be. I went home with faces I could not remember and felt the shame that comes when the sun is up. But I could not rid myself of the wretchedness of loving then losing you.

But one day my tears will dry. And with them, the memory of you.

##END##

This is a work of fiction. Characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously and not to be construed as real. In no way does it intend to represent any real event or person, living or dead. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons living or dead is entirely coincidental.

(February 2015)

Comments

  1. Jay CalicdanFebruary 11, 2015 at 11:46 AM

    Wow, relate ako hanggang bones. Nakakainis!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Silly Girl, DJune 8, 2016 at 7:48 AM

    At sa kabila ng katotohanang paulit-ulit tayong maaaring masaktan, tayo ay nagpapatuloy, nagmamahal.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Closeted

Image
We die everyday. The moment we step out of our houses, we become sensitive to how the world will see us. We mute our colors and hide the mannerisms that could betray us. We try as hard as possible to be inconspicuous in our words and actions. We look for nuances of what makes a man straight and so we stifle our tendencies and inclinations in order to be like them. We call the men bro or dude  or whatever sounds manly in the offices that we work in.
Read more

The Gym Chronicles I

I keep forgetting that this is the country of miles and feet, not of kilometers and meters; of kilograms and fahrenheit, not of pounds and celsius. I stepped into the treadmill, pressed quick start, and after a few seconds accelerated the machine until it read 15.  Whoa, was it fast!  Out of breath and almost falling down, I realized that 15mph translates to about 24kph.  Hey, if there's any consolation, I can still compute even in the midst of impending embarrassment. After a solid 20 minutes of running stationary, I went down and started acquainting myself with the place.  It was very similar to the gym I used to go to in the Philippines, although it's about twice the size of the gym in Eastwood and there was still the whole expanse of the 2nd floor.  There were four rooms for racquetball, one basketball court, one swimming pool, two rooms for group exercises, and a cycling studio.  There were a lot more machines though and the increments were not by ...
Read more

Not my type

It's not false modesty when I diffuse people's compliments on how I look.  In the gym, it has ranged from "nice lookin' man" to "hot Asian" or "mighty cute" to "the nicest smile this state has ever seen."  Sometimes I'd fake a smile, say thanks, or look at them quizzically.  Because I don't get it. I remember what my friend used to say: kung mabenta ka sa ibang bansa, ibig sabihin pangit ka sa Pinas kasi gusto ng foreigners exotic. I can live better with that rather than a string of compliments that I don't consider real.  I've known myself consciously for a million years, stared reluctantly and begrudgingly at the mirror every waking moment, and I never saw what others did.  I never liked what I saw and I've simplified a lot of things, like shaving my hair regularly, so that I won't have to spend half my life staring at a mirror. I'm comfortable with my skin, but I'm just not my type.  If I were to...
Read more